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Blood Harvest review

The Blood Harvest (2016)


Written & Directed by George Clarke

Starring Robert Render, Jean-Paul Van der Velde, Griffin Madill, Alan Crawford,

Liam Rowan, Rachel Galloway, Mathew McCreary, Rachel Stewart

"Onus meets the Texas Chainsaw Massacre in a twisted game of kill or be killed." That's the official IMDB synopsis for the film, it would make a lot more sense if anyyone had seen or heard of 'Onus' but after a little research I found that it's director George Clarke's next movie which is due out this summer. So why compare your film to a film that hasn't even been released yet? I don't know, it's late and I'm grumpy. Maybe he made Onus before Blood Harvest but Onus took longer in post-production? Anyway.... The Blood Harvest is set in Northern Ireland where a couple of crazed killers are on the loose.

Detective Jack Chaplin is on the case but after the latest murder occurs he gets a phone call from his captain telling him that his recent report on the case claiming that the killers could be vampires is a crock of shit so he's off the case and suspended. 

Naturally Jack isn't pleased with this so he tells his captain to go fuck himself and gets himself fired in the process. 

Meanwhile the body count rises and Jack's good friend Detective Hatcher and his partner Ward are now on the case. It looks like they haven't a fucking clue what they're doing so Hatcher goes to Jack with info on the latest killings asking him for his help. Determined to crack the case and prove to everyone that the killers are vampires or at least not human. Jack gets stuck in with some solid police work and figures out where the killer's hideout is. With his sharpened wooden crucifix and garlic dipped in holy water (if that doesn't kill vampires I don't know what the fuck will!) he makes his way to the abandoned farm where the killers are hiding. Will Hatcher find the balls to help him? Is his partner Ward as crooked as he seems? You'll be asking yourself these questions and more and then near the end you get slapped in the face with a big twist that is literally out of this world.


Now lets talk about the bad stuff. I first heard about this film in one of my favorite horror magazines which shall remain nameless for legal reasons and who knows I might even get a job writing for them one day... The reviewer really shat all over this but his two main problems were the ultra low budget and the capability (or lack there of) to understand the thick Northern Irish accents. As a fan of low-budget horror and an Irish person who can understand thick Northern accents fairly well I didn't have a problem with these things. One thing that wrecked my head a bit though was the overuse of shaky cam, thankfully it only occurred a few times in the film but when it did it was bad. So bad that during a chase scene I felt a bit dizzy and nauseated - and it's not even a found footage movie! But like I said it only happens a couple of times so it didn't ruin the film for me. The two killers had cool masks, one looked like something Daft Punk would where for Halloween and the other looked like a steaminess gas-mask, as seen on the DVD cover. What the DVD cover doesn't show you is that the killer with the steam-punk gas-mask is wearing a hipster t-shirt with a rocket ship design on it. Maybe he was a David Bowie fan? Or maybe it's a little inside joke throwing clues at the big twist reveal near the end. Then when he finally takes off the mask and you're expecting a hideous deformed mutant we get a guy who looks like Aidan Gillan aka Petyr 'Littlefinger' Baelish from Game Of Thrones! Not making fun of the actor, he really does look like him. Even-though he doesn't look like a mutant hillbilly he acts like one, all hunched and twisty-faced, a bit like the hitch-hiker from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Then his brother the other killer takes his mask off, acting psycho and jumping up and down like he's auditioning for Wrong Turn 28, he really looks like Ed Shearan on a bag of Es. Just joking, even-though their performances might have been a bit OTT they were still good as were everyone else's. For such a low budget film it had some really good gore as well. Definitely worth a look for fans of low-budget horror and it's always nice to see horror films coming out of this wee green isle of ours. The only other film by George Clarke that I've seen is his first film 'Battle Of The Bone', an enjoyable zombie flick from 2008. If you enjoy low-budget zombie films then that's definitely worth checking out. I give The Blood Harvest 2 and a half eyeballs out of 5.