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Sinister Urges



David sat on the red leather couch of the office looking out through the window. He followed the flight of a small bird as it flew in and out of view several times before disappearing out of sight. Had he wished, David could have got of the couch and watched the bird for a little longer. Instead however he simply smiled and began to imagine himself soaring next to the bird, zipping in and out of the clouds, diving from incredible heights before reaching out with his hand and devouring the winged thing.

It was at this point that the door of the office opened, and flanked by two guards, in stepped a small dark haired man of about thirty years of age. The man wore a grey suit with a white shirt and light grey tie. David by now was on his feet and sitting back behind his desk. At a nod from him the guards went back out into the corridor. With a gesture of his hand David bid the man to sit on the couch. “I see you're starting to trust me,” the man said as he sat. “Trust, mister Mathews, is a two way street.” replied David politely, “I leave the guards outside”. “And I don’t tear your face off”, interrupted Mathews with a smile. “I was going to say that I leave the guards outside and you begin to tell me more about these impulses you referred to in our last session,” said David, a little bit put off at the obvious joy brought to his patient by the thought of disfiguring him. “Of course, doctor Reed.” Mathews responded with a harmless smile that didn't quite reach the eyes, “I’m just kidding. I would never stop at just tearing your face off, I would have to cut all the muscles and tendons in your face before I was satisfied.” Once again David saw the smirk on his patents face and let the comment go, while at the same time being aware that Mathews could and probably would do such an act if need be or if he was bored enough. “Lets get to it then, shall we?” David's voice took on a more professional tone while he indicated that his patient should lay down on the couch.

“You mentioned impulses yesterday which compel you to act the way you do, excessive violence, torture, even murder they all seem so natural to you that to do otherwise is almost a foreign concept to you. Would you like to explain these urges mister Mathews?”. “I shouldn’t have to.” said his patient outright. “Every animal in the world has these urges, especially humans. To think otherwise is to deny your true nature.” David looked slightly puzzled but nevertheless attempted to gain insight from his patient on the matter. “So you’re saying that every human has the potential to be a homicidal maniac, to be truly evil?” At this Mathews looked slightly disappointed, “Doctor Reed, when did I say anything about being evil? What I said was that every human can follow these urges if they wish”. “ I see”, lied David. “What makes a person good?” asked Mathews. “Doing the right thing” answered David straight faced. “And what is the right thing? Isn’t it merely doing what society deems as correct?”. “No” responded David, “By that logic you could kill someone for no reason simply because you lived in a society which allowed it”. “So you admit that it is a personal moral code that dictates what the right thing is?” Mathews asked while placing his hands behind his head. “It's not a moral code, it's just natural,” answered David realising that this seemed to be turning more into the patient treating the doctor. “Isn’t it also natural to have urges which drive you to do things you might not ordinarily do?” Mathews mused, “If you saw a building on fire, would you run into it?” David looked carefully at Mathews, “That depends. If there was someone trapped inside, then I would try to help”. A smile cut across Mathews face “No, you wouldn’t. It takes years of training to ignore the urge to run away from a burning building. Now I’ll admit that there are selfless people who would run in but the average person couldn’t. It's impossible for most people to fight the urge to run from danger”. “Wait a minute,” interrupted David, “there’s a difference between running into a fire to save a life and disembowelling someone simply because your bored”. “The only difference is what people think is good and what isn’t.” said Mathews coolly. “Very well, doctor Reed, answer me this. When you were a child in school did you ever have the urge to suddenly jump up in class and attack the teacher? Or for no reason, to bury a knife into the neck of the person in front of you just to see their expression”? “Well I ….”, the doctor stuttered, clearly caught off guard. “ Be truthful doctor,” Mathews pressed, a predatory gleam creeping into his eyes. David closed his eyes for a second then looked out the window again, “Yes, yes I have. But I didn’t act on those impulses!”. David's voice had been harsher then he intended, at the last unprofessional. “Of course you didn’t ! ” exclaimed Mathews, all good humor and friendly smiles again, “But you can’t deny having them. It is those impulses that give us free will.” Mathews looked out the window as well for a moment, his face somber and almost sad. “You all believe me insane because of the impulses I have, but the truly insane people are the ones that don’t have these impulses at all. They are merely slaves that will do as they’re told and never ask why.” Mathews saw the truth dawning on his doctor’s face and gently smiled to himself. “Let me ask you another question doctor Reed, knowing what you now know, do you still think that it is a crime to follow your impulses? Should you still get locked up simply because you have decided to follow an urge created by your own brain? By your own conscience, that just happens to fall outside the realm of normality?”. David thought for a moment and then replied, “I think that these urges have their place, but not when they compel you to do something you know is wrong. Those acts thought up by a person's dark and evil sub-conscience should be ignored and, if possible, destroyed.”

That question answered, David sat back with an almost smug look on his face. Mathews was now sitting forward on the couch, leaning on his knees with his elbows “So your solution to fighting your urges is to try and destroy the dark side of your soul, the side which you admit exists within everyone. The side which compels a person to do the wrong thing, as it were?”. “Yes,” stated David flatly. “Bah! You’re an idiot!” exclaimed Mathews once again sitting back on the couch. “If you eliminate the darkness, how do you recognize the light? How do you know what is right with out something to measure it against?” Once again a disappointed look came over Mathews. “Its quite simple doctor Reed. Every one needs a dark side. It is the badness in us that makes us who we are. Every mistake, everything done wrong teaches us. Allows us to understand and learn. It is the pain caused to us and that we cause to others that truly tells us who we are and what it is we should do in certain situations. What is the right thing to do and what needs to be done. It is the darkness that lets us know if we are what we need ourselves to be to get through the day. We need the darkness and anyone who claims that they have no dark side is either truly blessed, or else it is they who belong in here not me.” Mathews made a temple with his fingers on his stomach. “So doctor Reed, what do you do when faced with urges on a daily bases?”

Later that night David went on his weekly trip to the pubs and clubs with some of his friends, including his girlfriend Susan. He was introduced to Dianne, the sister of one of his friends, “David Reed,” said his drinking buddy Alex “Meet my sister Dianne”. “Pleased to meet you” said David shaking her hand, the touch of which sparked thoughts of perversion in his head that he fought to ignore. As the night went on David noticed Susan and Dianne becoming very friendly. Even occasionally making some fairly flirtatious jokes with one another. Once again David suppressed the urge to take them both there and then. At about half two the group left the nightclub they were in with David, Susan and Dianne walking arm in arm. Alex and the others were destined for a party somewhere, so Susan volunteered David's nearby place in town for Dianna and herself to recover in. Although all three of them could walk and were coherent, none of them would be passing a sobriety test any time soon. They walked holding each other up and David could feel hands moving in interesting places from time to time. Conscious or not, David didn't mind coping the occasional feel from either women and he felt sure that one or both of them were aware of their own hands sliding over him. As they turned a corner near David’s apartment they were confronted by a group of four drunken men, all of whom began leering at the women. “Hey baby!” said one catching Dianne by the arm, “why don’t you ditch this loser and come with us? We could have a real good time.” The group began laughing amongst themselves and one walked right up to David’s face. “Get lost!” growled the man bringing himself up to full height, which was only a few inches taller then David. David looked at Susan and Dianne for a second. He then smiled at the men in front of him, “Make me!” and with that he bit into the man's nose. The more David turned, the more blood gushed out of his victim's nose. The other drunks stood shocked as David released the man’s nose before grabbing him by the back of the head with both hands and proceeding to head-butt him repeatedly in the face. The more he head-butted the man, the more he could hear and feel bone crack and shatter. Finally he let go, blood trickling from the top of his head and off his lips. “Right,” he said looking at the other terrified men “I’m going to hang on to this guy for a while. Ye, fuck off!”

The following Monday morning David sat in his office as once again the guards brought in Mister Mathews. “Good morning, Doctor Reed! ,” said Mathews sitting on the couch. “So, how did fighting your daily urges go?” David threw Mathews the local paper he had been reading which depicted a drunken man that had been beaten up by another group of drunken men at the weekend and was now in hospital. “I won.” replied David with a slight smile. At that moment the phone rang in his office. “Excuse me for one moment” he said picking up the receiver, “Hello?” “Morning, Dave.” a woman's voice purred on the other side. “Dianne! ” David responded as a sly smile touched his face. “Is Susan with you?”.

“Yes, she’s right next to me but I’m afraid she’s still asleep. What time are you finished?” David’s smile grew as he looked out the window once again following the progress of a bird across the sky. “I should be home around five,” he said casually,“I’ll see you then. Try not to tire her out too much until I get there. Bye”. David turned to see Mathews smiling at him, “At last he understands”.